i accomplished a lifetime goal not 45 minutes ago. a piddling, stupid lifetime goal, but a lifetime goal nonetheless.

the time was 5:50, and i appeared on the bernstein and boers show on am 670, the score. bernstein and boers are absolutely genius and complete dolts, and they host the ever-popular "who ya crappin' " segment, the station's 'signature segment.'

my script went something like this:

"out in the quad cities, andrew is on the score." (note: i did ask to be known as "pierre pierce's insatiable libido." unfortunately, the intern who picked up the phone didn't understand me, found the name objectionable, or was incredibly stupid. bernstein and boers would have loved it.)

"thankfully, i've only been holding this crap for 20 minutes. this goes out to [station update guy] chris rongey [ron-jee - correctly pronounced], who in his most recent update informed us that northwestern's brett bas-a-nezz was named a finalist for the johnny unitas award. thankfully, chris didn't also inform us that matt lee-NART and DJ shoke-lay were also finalists. chris, you've got eight hours a day to prepare 16 minutes of airtime; i wish you could have found the time to learn that northwestern's four year starter is named brett bas-a-nay. chris ron-gay, i love you, but who are you crappin'?"

yes, it's trifling and stupid, but i believe he made a flagrant professional error, and it did anger me. i get angered by stupid things.

so, no, it's not running a marathon or running a marathon or running marathon (i think other friends have run marathons, i just couldn't find their blog entries), but it was fun.

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softball was fantastic on wednesday night. facing the prospect of this being our last week if we lost even once, we swept our opponents, 17-2 (4 innings) and 10-8. the second game was particularly fun, because it featured well-played defense on both ends, my pants partially falling down while legging out a triple, our complete high school cheeleader looking confused like a complete high school cheerleader while chasing after a ball that bounced past her, and a dork on the other team who said to his pitcher, angrily: "where were you there? you've got to be covering the plate."

i think i was 5-for-6 on the day, grounding out in the first game, collecting a triple, a double, and three singles. i think this puts me to 19-for-22. the rocket went 0-for-2 in the first inning of the second game, committing two of the three outs in a five-run opening inning.

the reason for our domination: airtight defense, as i wrote. i was in left, as always. (i didn't see a catchable flyball all game. in fact, i don't think anything but grounders through the infield came to left.) we had our number one left side of the infield intact for the first time since the opener. one of the higher-ups brought his wife (outstanding at second) and his collegiate softball-playing daughter (outstanding at first, can't hit for crap) for a dominant right side. and one of our regulars brought in a ringer who plays a solid right-center. and, unlike most of our ringers, this one actually is mildly connected to the rest of us, making her a bit more legitimate.

an awful girl regular (one of the high schoolers) didn't make it. a husband-and-wife duo (he tries to hit it out every time, and pops up a lot; she plays adequate first base, and is our best-hitting female regular) were also absent. i think our best ten would include the wife replacing the high school cheerleader, and no other changes to the lineup out there last night. (in other news, the high school cheerleader, an actual high school cheerleader who was on our gameday staff this summer, was making "defeat the devils" football player locker signs between games. priceless, no?)

another reason for our domination: with one high school girl absent, and with the fat dude absent, and with our pitcher concentrating on hitting line drives instead of homers, just about everybody hit it hard. particularly the boss' wife, who is one of the best females we've seen.

final readon for domination: our pitcher wasn't throwing more strikes, but they were swinging at more balls.

looking forward to next week's season finale.

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three of us (actually, two of us) were threatened with ejections last night. after our game two win, we went to watch one of our favorite teams play against the cocky guys that trounced us last week. it was the bottom of the seventh, and the team we liked had a one-run lead. walk to a girl. out. single. single, bases loaded. girl strikeout. bases loaded, tying run at third, two out. line single to left. game over.

but the guy didn't run to first. it was merkle's boneresque, and we told the team we liked about it. drunkenly, of course, and they smiled with us. then smiled some more. then started to walk away. then thought, hey, we could change this. then the next game was about to start, and we started yelling to the ump about the play, and he threatened us. "you wanna leave for the night?!" or something. so we went to another field to finish our beer.

at this other field, we heckled the third base coach who was a ringer for us last week. we also talked to the guy who had the game-winning hit; turns out, the ump told him not to run, in the interest of time. (their game had run over the limit.)

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did you see the michelle wie disqualification story? there's a nice justification ("integrity of the game") in today's sports illustrated, but it's still bullshit. michael bamberger should have his title of "journalist" revoked, because he didn't cover the story, he became the story.

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is the nba dress code really this controversial? as much as i hate it, i wear a tie to work four days a week. a collared shirt on fridays. that's not racist, that's not a violation of the first amendment, that's just business.

i'm also not allowed to wear my kermit washington mitchell & ness throwback.

we aren't even allowed to have fubu day at work, no matter how much we'd like to. or, i'd like to, anyway.

shut up, and dress well. (no, i don't know the ins and outs, but i know that big bulky jewelry should be outlawed, and i know that these guys can afford the duds.)

i think that covers everything.

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oh yeah, basanez is actually a johnny unitas golden arm finalist (one of seven senior quarterbacks) and tim mcgarigle is a butkus award finalist (one of the ten top linebackers). that's legitimate recognition, and it's neat. leinart will win, but baz will finish second. (if they announce that, which they don't.) mcgarigle's bird has flown. no more pub for him.