It's been nearly a week since I've written here and, quite frankly, I'm shocked. Pretty lame weekend. Most of the staff (in this case, "staff" equals "everyone in town I know") was out of town on various commitments, a few more had parents around, and plans for a one-day trip fell through. (Hard feelings on my end initially, though they've been since hugged out.)

What I accomplished:

- Ran half a marathon, sweating a lot. (Over four different trips, I think.)
- Watched A Few Good Men and The Princess Bride, two of the top selections in the R/DS DVD collection.
- Made five days' worth of lunch in preparation for our half-completed homestand. (That is, I cooked Sunday night, and Wednesday marked the third of six games.)
- I'm not 100 percent sure, but I believe that, on Sunday afternoon, I weighed in at my lowest weight since eighth grade. This is not a joke. My dad probably has the records of my August 1994 high school entry physical somewhere.
- Finished Sputnik Sweetheart by Murakami, and read the first 100 or so pages of It's All Right Now by Charles Chadwick. Yes, I mention what I'm reading because it makes me feel smart.
- Solo beached, listening to The Lemonheads.

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The parents are coming in town Saturday night through Monday morning. I'm quite looking forward to it. I think we'll karaoke at the redneck bar on Saturday. Sunday is open, though it'll include The Hard Luck Cafe. I'm trying to assemble a small-but-good dinner group for Sunday night. I'll probably scam some groceries off of them, too. Pretty good, I think.

The trip was strategically planned to limit possible R/DS exposure. He'll be leaving shortly after the game on Saturday, though I'll plan to bring them to our broadcast booth for 10 minutes of small talk prior to the game. Hopefully, he'll live up to his billing as successfully as he did when Nemo came in town. That is, hopefully he'll come out odd and get odder. Maybe even drop in a hint of arrogance.

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I haven't yet specifically commented on the hiring of Pat Fitzgerald to run NU football. I think it's a courageous move and, probably, the only one Mark Murphy could have made. I sent Murphy one of I'm sure were several hundred emails the day after the hire was announced - probably about noon on Saturday. I referenced one of Coach Walker's favorite cliches - to "dare greatly," and the fact that Fitz's hiring certainly was an instance of that.

Mark Murphy sent back his gratitude for my support Sunday at 11:48 p.m. Pretty impressive.

Also exciting is the fact that Tavaras Hardy has been hired as an assistant to Bill Carmody. His taste in women is known to be wanting, but he sure became a pretty good Big Ten player. And, like Fitz, he believes in the program, I think. Stuck around when the rest of his class was transferring, and that says something...in order to sell a product (that is, in order to recruit), one needs to believe in the product. "T" certainly seems to.

Neat hire, and I'm happy to have him around Welsh-Ryan in official capacity. Not as happy as Rico, though.

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I've made reference to this before, but Wife owner has a dog. I don't know about dog breeds, but it's a really small dog. High-pitched barking. You know when Wife's coming around a corner because you first hear his jingling bells on the way. I don't particularly like dogs, I'll be honest, and I don't think I'd completely mind if somebody, you know, stepped on him.

After the game tonight, I was wandering through the office portion of the ballpark. She was on one side of the hallway, and I was headed towards the other side, where the office I share with the R/DS is located. The office marked "General Manager" is located towards my side of the hallway. This office is generally hers, though she often works in the office marked "Accounting," which is where she was headed.

So, I say hello, and begin walking towards my shared office.

Her: "Can you open Dog's office?"
Me: [Don't clearly hear what she's said. Walk her way.] "Huh?"
Her: "Can you open Dog's office?"
Me: "Dog's office?"
Her: "Yeah. My office. Dog stays there during games."
Me: [Walking towards the "General Manager" office.] "This one?"
Her: "Yeah, that one. Just crack it open a little."
Me: [Opens door.]
Her: "Here baby." [Kissing noises.] "C'mon baby. Mommy wants to see you again."
Dog: [Makes jingling noises. Scampers through cracked open door. Heads to "Accounting" side of hall.]
Her: "Mommy missed you." [More kissing noises.]

I'm pretty sure that she loves the dog more than any of her children, or any or her children's spouses, and definitely more than Husband. Probably more than at least three of her four grandchildren.

We don't really have meetings anymore but, when we did, he'd get the Mr. Bigglesworth treatment. Pretty creepy, but also a source of endless amusement. Also, creepy, awful off-color jokes. Feel free to make any you'd like.

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Inspired by Flax's extensive (and, in typical Flax fashion, absolutely hilarious, page, I'd like to write about the soft drinks I have been consuming lately. Surprisingly, these are not as well-written or properly-analyzed as Flax's.

At home
Diet Ruby Red Squirt - It's pretty good. I was convinced I had made a mistake when I first bought it (I was saving a buck over everything else in the section), but it turns out that it's pretty good. Grapefruity. Yum. I've just purchased my third 12-pack over the last six weeks or so.

Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper - My former "Go-to," before taking the Diet Ruby Red Squirt plunge. I like it because I like Dr. Pepper, and also because I like a touch of vanilla flavor.

Diet Berries and Cream Dr. Pepper - I purchased it on the way back from Battle Creek last week, because the gas station was "out" of coffee. I did not like it, though I finished it. I much preferred my Little Debbie Fudge Round, as previously written here.

At the ballpark

Diet Pepsi - It makes my teeth hurt. Too sweet.

Aquafina Flavor Splash - Citrus - Allegedly a lightly-flavored combination of grapefruit, lemon, and orange, it goes down smoothly. Too smoothly. I think it might be laced with crack.

Aquafina Flavor Splash - Grape - Laced with a less-addictive version of crack, I guess. Still pretty good, and still smooth.

Aquafina Water - Original Flavor - I always prefer tap water, particularly in the ring fingernail.

Diet Mountain Dew - Sweet, sweet nectar. The greatest beverage ever.

Thank you for reading.

Also, a brief rundown of what I've been eating a lot of lately:

Frozen Grapes - I was introduced to this recipe by Gurs, via Bullshot.
1) Place grapes in bag.
2) Freeze overnight.
3) Remove from freezer.
4) Let stand one minute.
5) Enjoy.

Best in seedless varieties, obviously, and I prefer purple.

Hard-Boiled Eggs - I've recently started boiling a half-dozen eggs at a time, and eating them as a late-night or mid-afternoon snack. Also, a good on-the-go breakfast, along with an apple. I make them using this. I think you should purchase one. (I am not a paid Salton spokesman, though I'd be willing to endorse the Salton Great Eggs. I guess I have.) Also, three soft-boiled eggs, a can of black beans (drained), and lots of Tabasco makes for a great breakfast.

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I'd like to publicly apologize to my friend Dirtbag. A few weeks ago, I called him out for taking what I considered far too long on his wedding Thank You cards. I believe I wrote "[three months!?]" in reference to his timeframe.

Dirtbag explained that wedding etiquette dictates that husband and wife are officially granted one year to enjoy each other's company, and that Thank Yous should be mailed by the end of the first year. Three months, therefore, would be a quick turnaround for such delivery. Dirtbag also revealed that he would have posted an official comment regarding my ignorance, but that he was unsure how to spell "etiquette."

Dirtbag's gone corporate and, one week in, he's pretty satisfied. Dirtbag don't work for nobody, it should be noted, though he and John have entered into a mutually-beneficial agreement. He helps them out, and they pay him for his work. Also, they match his 401K contributions three-to-one, and their health insurance is cheap.

From "80 Hours, No Pay" to "Some Level of Security" in about 10 months. May we all be so fortunate, at some point, anyway.

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My friend Tina, with whom I've spoken once in the last 11 months, is a beautiful writer. See?

It was a pretty nice conversation. I was moved to call her again this weekend, but then I forgot.

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The R/DS revealed a lack of understanding of baseball again tonight, in a ridiculous way. On two different occasions, he mentioned that a relief pitcher would be summoned, but only "after Player X is introduced." Of course, in both cases the player was not a pinch hitter, but instead was already in the lineup. Therefore, it wouldn't matter if the player was announced or not; he was in the game. The strategy of "Go to the lefty reliever after the lefty pinch hitter is announced" does not apply here, stupid.

But he did it twice. I called him out [off-air] the second time.

"Yeah, but... oh, yeah, I guess you're right."

Of course I'm right, dumbass.

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WIDiRViFoW
(A bit trifling, though they all are; however, this is something that annoys me no matter who does it. It just happens that he does it a lot, and I'm there when he does it.)

This Week's Reason: When he sings along with anything - most notably music played over a public address system - he tries really hard to sing on key.

Why This Annoys Me I: Philisophically, music is about joy. Effortlessness. Passion. Trying to sing in the proper key stifles one's joy.

Why This Annoys Me II: It's pretty widely acknowledged that I can't sing.

Why This Annoys Me III: I really don't want to hear "Uptown Girl" or that Huey Lewis "Heart and Soul" (Is it called "Heart and Soul?") song sung by anyone, at any time. I certainly don't want to watch some pale, odd-looking, arrogant, fat dude who I dislike anyway sweat through every note...but, my needs be damned, I'm subjected to it every freakin' day sometime between the hours of 5:00 and 6:00 p.m. God, life sucks sometimes.