so yesterday i referred to the 'gargle' and 'throat spray' that i had purchased owing to my virus-affected throat. i guess i was anticipating liquid halls (i like halls, actually) or something, but i clearly misunderstood what the medical professional told me.

because, it turns out, i've received an ultra-dense (think the consistency of honey) and ultra-bitter clear goo. what this means is that i absolutely am incapable of actually gargling this stuff. i've attempted four times. i've been driven to tears each time. (cough-induced tears...not sadness-induced tears.) so, the net affect of this gargle has been absolutely nil.

i was warned that my 'throat will be a bit numb' after using the gargle, and that 'it's okay if you happen to swallow some...you'll just feel a little odd in your stomach...a bit numb.' you see, with this gargle, numbness is the watchword.

here's what i've experienced four our of four attempts:
squeeze the liquid (yes, it required a squeeze bottle; it doesn't actually pour) into a small spoon. tilt my head back. open up. stick my tongue out. hold the spoon perpendicular to the ground. wait. wait. wait. feel liquid touching my tongue. gag one. feel more liquid get on the tongue. gag two. glance at the spoon. bang spoon against my tongue to get the remainder of the goo off of the spoon. (at this point, i'm gagging, still.) attempt to gargle. don't actually get it all the way to my throat, as the bitterness is causing the gag reflex. close my mouth. lean forward. wait. recover. tilt head back. gargle again. begin to gargle-cough. lean all the way forward, spit out goo, wipe off tears.

my other problem: the goo tells me to gargle "15 mL" every three hours or as needed. the question then becomes, what the hell does 15 mL look like? the answer: i'm not sure.

i'll correct myself: the net effect is not nil. the net effect is that the front part of my tongue is numb, owing to the rest period.

if i'm a 25-year-old heterosexual male, and i watch american idol (to the point that i even use that antique, the vcr, so as to not miss it), is there something wrong with me? yes, yes there is. i want nadia to win, although i'm told she was in the bottom three last week, and is probably gone. after her, my choice is anwar. then i don't know.

i will likely not be watching american idol once the season starts. fact is, i'm already going to have to tape 24 and survivor, and i think a three-show load is probably too much to handle.