i've had a tremendously fun time in the broadcast booth the last two nights. as some of you know, or have inferred, i've been in a bit of a rut lately. tired of the season. questioning whether this is really the right job for me. wondering if the pay will ever be commensurate with the effort. lamenting the fact that i've committed myself to never having a normal summer, with things like vacations, time off, and barbeques. i've had a rough few weeks, in some way, and i'm not sure what got me in the rut. maybe it was the overnight trip to dayton a few weeks ago.

my problem is that i'm not talented or mature enough on air to fight through it and put up a good broadcast when either a) i'm not feeling well or b) it's a small, quiet crowd or c) the game's got a lot of walks. i feel like i had three straight awful broadcasts - sunday [a good game, although it wasn't close much of the way, but i was tired], monday [an smoking hot afternoon game with lots of walks and a 90 percent empty stadium by the end] and tuesday [a non-blowout with a small crowd that devolved into me making zooperstars names for players and front office staff members].

so anyway, i let ben the intern take much of wednesday's game, and i let ben the intern take all of thursday's game. i got to spend it on-air with my visiting counterpart, one of the people in the league with whom i'm closest. we had interesting, in-depth conversations about things like beanball wars, bench-clearing incidents, 'warnings' issued by umpires [all the same thing] and ryne sandberg's hall of fame speech. wednesday was good, interesting radio; thursday was sort of pretty good.

that said, i continue to find myself in a rut. pieces of conversation - things considered normal to people - really frustrate me at times. "you've got to put yellowstone on you list of things to see." (i work every day every summer.) "super-rud, we've got to go to vegas." (can't - don't have any money.) i just don't know, at times, but games are generally fun to watch. maybe partying will help. (minutemen reference!)

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i got $20 (or rather, i'm involved in a $6/hour oral contract) to be the pa announcer tuesday morning at the mississippi valley fair. i got to say things like...
"welcome to the great mississippi valley fair! it's tuesday, and that means it's special needs day! get ready, in 15 minutes the mutt comix dog show will get going again. you don't want to miss the fun! and be on the lookout for todd the stilt-walker! good afternoon, and we hope you enjoy your tuesday at the great mississippi valley fair!"

and

"welcome to the great mississippi valley fair! make sure to get a look at pat boyle the chainsaw artist, in the northwest corner of the fairgrounds. and, in just ten minutes, we'll have the alligator show in the reptile area. and don't miss the legendary leroy van dyke on the lodge stage, in only 25 minutes. and, as always, keep your eye out for michelle the statue lady! it's a great day to be at the great mississippi valley fair!"

i consider it a morning well-spent.

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i am behind in my reading. i'll have to return a new book - it's all right now, by first-time novelist charles chadwick. it got a fantastic newsweek review about ten weeks ago, and i really do enjoy his tone. but i haven't touched it in a week and a half.

i'm not playing video games tonight. but i do have to pay a few bills, so i won't get proper sleep again. dammit.