i'm not one to quote the great bill simmons, because 90 percent of readers here [in fact, i'd guess that it's mathematically impossible to have 90 percent; i'd imagine that the highest possible non-100 percent percentage may be 75 percent] probably read him regularly anyway. but i love his nba work; i don't watch the nba, outside of about three quarters of bulls basketball a week, but he's got the ability to make me feel educated about the league, even though i rarely read the standings.

from wednesday's column, rating all 30 teams [full column here]:

3. Indiana
I caught them in person Sunday at the Staples Center -- great team, great coach, great balance, great everything. And they're flexible as hell. Near the end of the game, Carlisle brought in Danny Granger but kept Jackson and Artest in the game, then stuck Artest on Elton Brand (who had been killing them all game). Are you kidding me? How many teams could even think of trying something like that? I don't care if a crazy guy is their best player -- I wouldn't want any part of them in a seven-game series. Of course, I wouldn't wager on them, either.

(Highlight of my Clippers season so far: During a stoppage in the second half, Ron Artest was standing right near us by the 3-point line, with the name of his record album carved in the back of his head, of course. So somebody screamed out, "Hey Ron, I bought your album ... IT [STUNK]!!!!!" First, everyone giggled. Then we quickly realized that he might charge into the stands and inexplicably beat the hell out of one of us. So Ron turns around, searches the faces to see who yelled at him, finally finds the guy ... and gives him a big wink. High comedy. I like Ron Artest. He's my favorite NBA player who was ever suspended for a season for attacking a fan.)

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monday was uber-productive. i didn't get to sleep until 3:30. i finished getting work done at 3, then read for a half-hour. i was at wal-mart purchasing padded envelopes at 2:30. i woke up 4 1/2 hours later [that is, at 8 a.m.], completely refreshed.

tuesday, i enjoyed the fact that monday was uber-productive. this took the form of playing video games and watching basketball [sadly the office was replaced by the season finale of the biggest loser, so i was relegated to illinois-unc and bulls-somebody.] i also made two steaks that i had stolen from my parents at some point. i had never purchased steaks before - afraid to screw 'em up, you know? - but this went particularly well. garlic-rubbed. and pan-fried. so juicy. mmm. and i began reading phil jackson's book about the 2003 season, which won't be particularly good but reads at a pace of about 20 seconds/page. not much there.

wednesday, i went to the local "sports bar that actually can get games on channels like espnu" to watch the cats. it was disappointing. the event was to take the form of me-and-duve. then it was me-and-duve-and-rocket. then it was me-and-rocket. it turned out to be me-and-rocket-plus-about-seven-friends-of-his-with-whom-
i'm-not-particularly-interested-in-socializing-[except-for-one], which also meant that i was there much longer than i intended. although i hardly drank after the cats game. they were quite disappointing. [on 11/14, i guessed at 'at least 8-3 in the non-conference." it took only six games to get those losses, an impressive pace!]

[warning: survivor spoilers! - funny to write...]

tonight, i watched survivor and made and received some reassuring phone calls. survivor featured the greatest vote-off scene ever, when judd said, "i hope you all get bit by an alligator. freakin' scumbags." outstanding.

spoilers over

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i also did some research. did you know that richard nixon's letter of resignation was only 15 typed words long?

Dear Mr. Secretary:

I hereby resign the Office of President of the United States.

Sincerely,

[signature]

more, although not of the redhothalos variety, here.

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i've also finished my crate of clementines.

over and out.