so, anyway, guided by voices just made it onto conan, in a way.

bit: nbc fall 2004 new characters.

character: festus the record show prospector (prospecter?)

action: festus, an old man with a long beard wearing a red plaid shirt and straw hat while holding pickaxe stands in front of a record store shelf. "oohh, heheheee!" he laughs. "i'm gonna find me some out-of-print superchunk lp's and some guided by voices side projects...ooh, heheheee!"

a suave service representative comes up. "may i help you?" he says.

"stay away from my loot!" festus yells, before maiming the man with his pickaxe.

woof.

is dusty baker the worst in-game manager in baseball?

exhibit a:
bottom of the fourth inning, alou at second, sosa at first. no score. the cubs haven't been hitting for a week. do you ask todd walker to bunt (maybe he can do it...)? nope. you ask him to pop out. then you ask derrek lee to do the same. after a walk, prior grounds out to end it.

exhibit b:
it's the bottom of the ninth. you've got two outs and paul bako up with nobody on. fact is, we know bako won't start anything, but the chances of any bench option starting anything are slim. do you save your top bench hitter (michael barrett) for extras? nope...you use barrett, who grounds out and wastes his only chance.

exhibit c:
it's the bottom of the tenth inning. let's emphasize that the team hasn't strung together a series of hits in a week. you've got a pinch hitter due up, followed by corey patterson (who's forgotten how to hit) and nomar. you've got one shot this inning, and that's your leadoff thunder. do you use ben grieve, who was brought here to provide the thunder? nope. you use tom goodwin, who you somehow 'trust' despite the fact that he hasn't done a thing in two seasons. 1-2-3 in the tenth.

exhibit d:
top of the eleventh. following adam dunn's leadoff single, a strikeout, stolen base, and groundout have put him to third base. red-hot javier valentin (the only hotter player is kearns) at the plate with first base open. no-batta, no-batta anderson machado (.223 in triple-a in 2004) on deck. do you walk valentin? nope. you allow the game-winning hit.

now, the fact that everybody (except sammy, who's even hitting relatively hard outs) has forgotten how to hit is a problem. but so is the fact that dusty baker has seriously mismanaged things all season long. continuing to use latroy is one example. standing up for his players after fundamental errors, rather than criticizing them. allowing crap like 'get the tv guys off the charter' to continue.

i understand that dusty's belief is to stand up for his guys and instill confidence and be behind them all the way, and that's nice to a point. but when you're the most painful team to watch in baseball, you've got to kick 'em in the pants at some point.

by the way, the cubs are now 19-29 in one-run games. wanna know who's worse? kansas city, detroit and arizona.

i mean, you want them to win at this point, but it's absolutely hopeless. overcoming this one-game deficit theoretically isn't impossible, but making up a game on houston, who has won 15 straight at home and is now hosting the lowly rockies, seems far-fetched.

the good news is that the cubs play at 2, the astros at 7, and the giants at 9 on friday. it'll be fully possible to follow all three games, which is nice.

i didn't go see mike watt tonight.


i think kerry probably 'won' the debate. he didn't look flummoxed nearly as much as president bush. both stayed 'on message,' i thought, and i thought that kerry did a nice job of handling president bush's constant accusations of 'mixed messages.' i also don't think kerry came off looking like a snob, and bush probably came off looking like an idiot. but he's done that for four years now.

i think the race probably isn't over yet, right?

i'm sensing sort of a poor pattern that's developed over the last few weeks. perhaps you've noticed, but the pattern is this: do nothing during the week, and therefore report nothing. do nothing during the weekend, and therefore report on football.

i'm not sure that's particularly interesting, but that's a bit where i am.

i'll start with this weekend, when i actually accomplished something. it's not particularly interesting, but it was an actual accomplishment. i cleaned. and cleaned. and cleaned. i started with the kitchen rectangle on friday night, scrubbing down the stove, cleaning the round metal thingees that go below the burners (3 of 4 are spotless), pseudo-mopping the floor (paper towels/sponges and hand-scrubbing), and windex-ing the oven. i then went to the bathroom, where i also pseudo-mopped.

that was friday. saturday, i took eileen to the airport at 645 a.m. or so (she went to boston this weekend), used the 20-dollar gift certificate to jewel-osco my mom gave me (i'm assuming it was some kind of award she got...who wants a 20-dollar gift certificate to osco?) to buy two types of toothpaste, mouthwash, bread, and something called mixed berry 7-up plus (poor, very poor), and returned home. at this point, i made just-add-water pancakes for breakfast, adding some brown sugar to the batter (has anyone ever done that before? it was stunningly good).

at this point, beginning at about 845, i resisted the opportunity to sleep and cleaned again. i returned to the bathroom, where i scrubbed the toilet (scrubbing bubbles are incredible) and the tub. (in the past, i've used the tub and its wall to clean off extremely muddy shoes...i don't have a laundry room, you know...it's been dirty for at least a year.) i got all the mud off the wall, got most of it off the shower curtain liner, and then reversed the curtain liner so that you can't tell the difference. i then moved all the living room-type furniture onto the kitchen rectangle, and then went to dusting. everywhere. the top of the fridge. the wire shelving that i store my cds on. my one picture frame (featuring a picture of jenny, didi, ben and myself from the semi-lame 2001-02 new year's party at e2...where was nemo, you ask? at the bawenaked wadies concewt with mendo, of course...ha!). 10 post cereal mini-bobbleheads and 11 full-sized bobbleheads. my vcr. everything.

before i did that, i loaded all my moveable bedroom furniture onto my bed. this opened the door for a full vacuum swipe.

full vacuum swipe means that i vacuumed for approximately 45 minutes despite the fact that my apartment can't be more than 350 or 400 square feet (i have no idea, really, but it's not particularly big), with only about two-thirds of that carpeted.

after the full vacuum swipe, i moved everything back to its proper place. books reshelved (although not in any sort of real order), papers thrown away or filed somewhere, frequently-used baseball caps placed in the only place i could find, on top of the now-dusted fridge. (tacky!)

and with a final sweep, it was done. the second full-cleaning i've done in my 23 months in the apartment, the first since last november. and, four days later, it's still reasonably clean.

props to: my moms, who bought all sorts of cleaning supplies - including sponges, 'pine cleaner,' windex, and a large bucket - the day before easter 2003. the day of the infamous egg hunt. woof.

the nice thing was that my cleaning was a nice way to get me through the disaster that was the cubs. garsh, saturday was a disaster. la-freakin'-troy. victor diaz and craig brazell. the irish were partially distracting, and watching iowa get destroyed (their fans are the lamest) was nice, but then the cats were awful.

sunday was boring, although it was fun to watch a coworker dress as a gigantic monkey and stand next to our stadium during the qca marathon. i was up by 830 again on sunday. i brought coworker greg a beer and some orange juice as gratitude. at 902 in the morning, he chose the rolling rock (again, thanks to the moms).

sunday was nice because i got to talk to my sister (it was shortened because she had to go act in a lame student film (hehe!) although i found the time to lecture her on not-antagonizing mine and her parents) and my brother (although i'm pretty sure we talked about nothing, but did it for 57 minutes) but not my older brother (i think it's been since june, when i visited his beautiful house...that's pathetic on both of our parts).

the other thing i did this past weekend was damage control. somehow, and i'm still not sure how, the ipod's contents were sliced by about 80 percent on friday. i've been using it with the computer at work, and i've never 'updated the library.' on friday, the computer's itunes magically 'updated' my library, cutting the ipod's contents from the 10 or so gigs it had held to about the 3.5 that were saved on the computer's hard drive. i was seriously depressed - like, not talking to anybody and being generally petulant - for about 90 minutes after this happened.

i calmed myself down friday afternoon. i borrowed eileen's computer this weekend. i ripped 75 or so cds to mp3, and then burned the mp3 to cd-rs. tomorrow, i'll try to add those cds back to the pod. some order will be restored to the world.

sunday's cubs game was awful. three freakin' free runs in the bottom of the first. alou taking a borderline strike three with the bases loaded in the fifth. monday's was beautiful...an actual laugher. tuesday's maddux implosion was upsetting, and this afternoon's hawkins-implosion was uber-depressing, if not, sadly, unexpected.

the bosses are gone from work for the next few days. therefore, my usual at-work following of the cubs shifted from internet radio to the actual television broadcast. i watched with a fellow die-hard beginning in the seventh inning. we saw the cubs take their lead. chris joked about how it's fun to say 'i knew hawkins will blow it' at the start of the inning, because you look smart if he does and nobody remembers if he doesn't. of course, he did, and i was pissed. not at chris, at latroy.

fortunately, the game ended shortly before five, so i left immediately afterward. i was pretty legitimately sad.

the neat thing is, when i returned home, brian wilson's smile was awaiting me. i'll simply say it's unbelievable. an absolute aural experience. i think i can comfortably say its one of my ten favorite records ever. i've owned two separate bootlegs for three years now, and i can say that the recorded version truly does outshine them all. new lyrics for good vibrations (i can't believe that) make it even fresher. the incredible opening to blue hawaii..."is it hot as hell in here, or is it me." using the word 'grits' to rhyme with 'lickety-split' in i'm in great shape. the simple, sublime beauty that is our prayer and surf's up. and the backing of the wondermints (i think it's just the wondermints, although i'm not exactly sure) is absolutely authentic.

fact is, smile did make me happy. it's pretty incredible.

i'm sort of interested to watch the debate thursday. i wonder if bush still has the bush-face (lips semi-pursed, odd blinking of the eyes and twitching), and i wonder if kerry will somehow come across as a friendly, hard-working everyman. (isn't it fascinating that bush, who comes from 'patrician' roots and was actually born into money and advantage, can successfully pull off the 'i'm just like you mr. nascar and just like you mr. farmer' while kerry, who actually had to work some to get where he is, comes across like an upper-crust snob?)

there's this fascinating commercial out right now, from one of the independent right-leaning organizations, that says 'bush didn't start this war, but he's the person that can finish it,' or something to that effect. of course, the war they're referring to is the 'war on terror,' rather than the 'failed war in iraq.' but the fact is that, of course, the 'war on terror' isn't over because bush decided to initiate the 'failed war in iraq.' the point is this: he started the 'failed war in iraq' at the expense of the 'war on afghanistan and, therefore, terror,' and yet he's being touted as someone who can end the war. point is, going to iraq sure was a dumb idea.

and then there's the kerry commercial touting his two-prong plan for iraq: 'get international aid.' and 'teach the iraqis to defend themselves.' i find it unconvincing, but probably preferable to the 'screw the world, i'm a shoot-from-the-hip texan (you notice my twang, don'tcha?)' strategy we have at this point.

now, there's a chance i won't watch the debate live on thursday. mike watt and the secondmen are playing in iowa city on thursday, and it would be neat to see the punk legend on stage. i don't even really know what he looks like, although i sure love the minutemen's double nickels on the dime record. i guess there's a chance that i'll not go see mike watt until the debate is over.

i may also go to iowa city monday, to see the mendoza line. i've not heard much of the mendoza line, although jenny lewis sure sings like an angel.

i might also just watch the debate friday, and watch football saturday and sunday. hey, whatever.

updates from the weekend that was:

• ben hhhooooppper is downright scrawny at this point in time, although he still looks like a stuffed penguin
• jenny a. remains the best host in the history of the world
• j's burgeoning boyfriend jasha (perhaps...pronounced yasha) passes initial tests
• i'm reasonably sure that we were out from 730 saturday night until 330 sunday morning...that's a long night, although nobody was particularly schnockered...in fact, i don't think anyone was even buzzed by the end of things...it generally didn't seem particularly long either
• following a football game in the sun, my cousin vinny is almost as good as a two-hour nap. almost.
• i've never had brisket as good as the brisket sold at the twisted spoke, except for all the times i had brisket in texas
• the otto graham wall of honor is pretty cool, although it's a little embarrassing
• the cats sure would be sitting pretty (a little pretty, anyway) had they beaten arizona state
• mark philmore is far, far more than the roger jordan clone i thought he was; he makes plays like sam simmons was capable of...imagine if simmons got to catch bubble screens in the big ten
• basanez genuinely has an idea of what he's doing
• nick roach is an absolute animal, and i'm starting to really like barry cofield
• i think i read somewhere that domonique price is an nfl prospect, and i'm not sure i believe it
• i stupidly think the cats have a chance at minnesota saturday...i'll be itching for gametime come 8:12
• glenbrook south-glenbrook north was a blast to watch
• high school girls are skankier and foul-mouthed-er than they were when i was in high school
• it's awkward sitting behind an english teacher that really liked you but that you didn't particularly like; i'm not sure if he saw me or recognized me, but i chose not to say hello...i think that makes me lame
• i can't believe the bears won, and i'm dreading the vikings game
• i can believe the irish won, and i'm really looking forward to the purdue game (of course, i should be worrying about washington first)

in other news, i ordered two cds - the garage-sludge rap of dizzee rascal's showtime and the masterpiece eclectic and experimental pop of brian wilson's smile - today. they'll arrive next week.

brian wilson is playing the auditorium theater in chicago in two weeks...tickets range from 48-78 dollars, and i'm considering trying to con my parents into seeing it. it would be pretty incredible.

(my dad and, thanks to the magic of a printer, my mom now read. dorks.)

yes, i accomplished nothing this weekend, except getting the oil changed.

on saturday, i was up to get the oil changed at 745. got the oil changed. headed to post office briefly. home by 915. watched the tail end of sportscenter. watched all of gameday.

watched the cats (disappointing). was joined by eileen noonish. watched the irish (exhilarating). managed to see d-lee's monster-huge hit for the cubbies (monster huge). watched various other games. watched the apprentice (way long, methinks...i don't think i like it at all, although i think it runs opposite survivor anyway). in bed midnightish. that's it.

today. half awake through meet the press. officially awake 930 ish. watched the espn pregame show. found time to shower. went to eileen's by 1100 or so. watched the bears and the cubs and the first half of the late game there. went home. made baked potatoes. eileen came over and ate baked potatoes. now i've chosen my fantasy baseball lineup for the week (semifinals...). i elected to sit shawn burroughs in favor of orlando cabrera. i also elected to sit kerry wood (one start, v. pittsburgh) in favor of brad radke (two stars, v. detroit i think, and v. baltimore).

my fantasy football team perhaps has laid an egg. i'm down fairly big, and trent green's not put up the offensive numbers yet...all priest, all the time. as i suspected, ashley lelie's going to be incredibly frustrating to watch (although he does have two catches over the last five offensive denver plays). i'll have ahman green and john kasay against stephen davis for monday.

now, the plan is to be slightly more productive over the coming weekends, i'd think. a trip to watch the cats is in the offing for next week. a trip back for marathon week on october 9. a trip to madison (as yet unconfirmed) for october 23.

that's all i've got. i hope the next harry potter book's not 800 pages. (i'm reading order of the phoenix currently...not even sure that's the most recent one.)

we are coming up on my favorite weekend of the year.

'hey, dude, whatcha doin' this weekend?'

'i'm planning on not showering.'

and that pretty much sums things up. gurs just reminded me about the miami-florida state game tomorrow, so i'll probably watch that. but things really get going saturday, when i'll plan to watch the entirety of the espn pregame show. i'm mulling cooking wings for the cats game, but i'll probably wind up doing pancakes for the game and wings for whatever's going on at night.

of course, the tension raises on saturday because we've got cubs-marlins going on.

sunday is the nfl opener. serious willie's destroyers web-checking going on, because i'm a loser. am i more of a loser because i'm really excited for the monday night ahman green (my back) - stephen davis (my opponent's back) game? yes.

i'm also getting my oil changed saturday morning. i don't think i've quite figured how the wonderful eileen fits into these plans.

the season ended monday, and the entire (and oddly, and annoyingly, full) work week has been one long yawn. from myself. from every coworker. sometimes an angry yawn...didn't we earn at least one day off?

actually, we did earn one day off...i'll be taking it a week from friday, and jetting home a day early to see the cats. that'll be a blast...thursday with glenview buddies, friday with whoknowswho, saturday with ben and jenny and others, sunday taking ben to the airport and then watching the bears with my dad. watching the bears with my dad is always the best.

i'm highly doubting anyone will get to this on time, but i'll be lending my bland and informative voice to old guy radio at 8ish central on friday morning...kscrradio.com.

and now i read harry potter.

is it okay to be depressed after losing the first football game of the season? i hope it is.

yes. it is 4 a.m. yes. i have just finished watching the cats-frogs on tape. yes. i'm sad.

1-for-6 for huffy. ugh.

i wrote, "huffman's alright." i should have written, "bring back joel 'foul ball' howells."

of course, it was nice to see the offense do things.

(it should be noted that, a few days ago, i picked 7-5. i counted this game as one of the 5. doesn't make it not hurt, a little bit, anyway. ugh.)

espn has reached a new level of offesiveness. in the recent sports illustrated article about chris berman, the fat, over-the-hill man refers to the fact that the solid journalistic base has always been there and, once that it's confirmed, a reporter/anchor is free to add his or her own 'personality' to the equation.

of course, the key to solid journalism is a lack of bias, along with an eye for detail and...i don't know... (three cheers for journalism education!)

anyway, in light of the kobe bryant thing case not being tried, kevin frazier (who i think is pretty good) brought on steven a. smith (who i find absolutely unwatchable) and asked him the tough question: "steven, what's your reaction."

to which steven a. says "to be honest, as a black man, i'm happy." and then he went on to discuss the fact that he's a black man and eagle county colorado is "not 3 percent black, it's point-3 percent black, in the post oj simpson era."

i guess, i'm just thinking that mr. frazier wasn't asking about whether steven a. was happy, but he was asking for his reaction to the story. (of course, what steven a. smith would possibly have to say that would add anything to my understanding of things is beyond me.) and then, after two minutes of blabbering, mr. frazier had the audacity to say "thanks for the knowledge," of which, of course, there was none.

personally, i wish kobe got locked up. (not because he's black, but because he's slimy.) i wonder how much money she's already gotten to refuse to testify. i think it's probably a whole lot.

it's often said that the most difficult game for a college football team is the first one, and the reasons are obvious. (i.e. a bunch of new guys, and a bunch of nervous guys, and your facing an unknown quantity.) what's difficult is that, for the mighty cats, their first game could be considered their most important (beating TCU equals a bit more national respect, in some circles anyway...it's one of two games being played that night, and it's important to do well with national exposure there) and is probably one of their four or five most difficult.

what's particularly difficult is that we're playing in clinton, iowa, on thursday night. a 45-minute drive from home. game time at clinton is at 7. if all goes according to schedule, we'll be back by 11:15 or so. being a dweeb, i'm taping the game with plans to watch when it ends. those 20 minutes - avoding the game - making sure no tv is tuned to espn and no radio is tuned to sports radio - is highly difficult. the boy (i.e., my little brother) is on call, and i'm hopeful his lame drunk ass doesn't ruin things thursday night. (we had a 15-minute conversation monday night regarding this situation.)

TCU is unranked at this point, although SI ranks them as the 24th-best team in the country. of course, their feature regarding TCU is about a dude who watches A Wedding Story, a.k.a Jenny's favorite show, on TLC. Barry Cofield will smack that wussy upside the head, lots.

my instincts on the cats:
offense: jason wright, who's not as good as i thought he was, is gone. that's sad. i have my doubts that noah herron is as talented or as driven as wright (i mean, he's named noah, and he's got those dreadlocks), and i don't think he'll be as productive. it's a big jockstrap to fill, yknow? that said, i think that a 1,100 yard season plus another 250 in receiving yards is out of the realm. i don't think you'll see herron ever make a reception streaking down the right sideline (wasn't that the early touchdown wright scored against wisconsin?)

the line is set, and should be really, really good. i don't know anything about these guys, except that mike wolf is hyping zach strief. i like the receiving corps and, provided they stay healthy, i think they're pretty much a known quantity. there's not much potential for greatness here, although i'd see ashton aikens as a reliable down-the-middle guy and brandon horn becoming a legitimate threat lining up at all sorts of spots on the field. mark philmore's similarly dangerous. i wouldn't be surprised if all three of those guys hit 30 catches for the year, with perhaps one gaining 800 or more yards. they say they're planning to use tight ends...hmmm...

the strangest development last year was the absolue disintegration of brett basanez as threat. not passing threat. not running threat. just a threat. he wasn't. (witness the illinois game----43 straight runs, i believe?) you'd like to believe that he can return to something like the kamikaze he showed throughout his tremendous freshman year. in a quarterback-weak conference, i think he could contend for all-conference honors (i'm an idiot, it should be noted.)

defensively, loren howard's one of the elite lineman in the country, and he's out for the game, it would appear. (i wish northwestern would publish this stuff.) still, the line is solid. colby clark is rock-solid, as is luis castillo, a four-year starter (and he defense's media day representative). And it seems that barry cofield is constantly in the thick of big plays. i've always liked david thompson, but that's mostly because he started flexing after having a part in a turnover in his first college game. the cats lost large.

how does a team replace a five-year leader (pat durr)? apparently with a gentleman named nick roach. ask me later. tim mcgarigle is legit, which is strange considering he's scrawny and white. john pickens is absolutely ferocious, although he's apparently out for tcu.

i've never liked marvin ward, although i better get used to him this year. jeff backes was very good on the other side in the defensive backfield last year. dominique price is solid, as is brian heinz. i'd imagine derell jenkins will be a solid fixture at the nickelback, although herschel henderson (safety turned corner turned safety) was the star of the recruiting highlight video. tremendous hitter. if he can cover, i'd like to see him replace ward, eventually.

i'd like to see backes returning kicks. huffman's alright. long live slade larscheid!

i think the cats should qualify for another bowl. it's tough to crack the top 3 in the conference, but i'd see the club eventually becoming a 4-8 every year type team, not unlike purdue's been of late.

the record (not picking wins and losses): 7-5, including a 4-4 big ten mark. el paso? yes!