It's been a pretty eventful week - end of the season, my brother getting married, the Cats opening the season with a strong performance - and yet, without a doubt, I will lead this post with an incredibly amazing bout of awkwardness with the R/DS.
(This one's record-length, though I promise it'll be worth it.)- - - - - - -
Monday was our final game of the season, and my bosses were nice enough to give us today off.
I went for a run this morning and, shortly after I returned, the R/DS took off. I spent the morning cleaning up a bit, compiling a grocery list, going to the grocery store, checking out local Wi-Fi hotspots for the purpose of tonight's fantasy football draft, and preparing for the fantasy football draft.
I took a walk to the library, picked up some books, and returned home to begin the cooking process (Rud chili, a postseason fringe-tradition) by about 5:30.
Chopping and frying meat and opening cans and things like that, and PTI ends, and there's nothing to watch on TV.
So, I flip on my trusty On-Demand, head to HBO, and decide to watch an episode of
Da Ali G Show. I've never seen the show, though I've heard great things.
[Before this story continues, bear in mind the following things:
1) The R/DS is lacking in a sense of humor.
2) Before I arrived here, he once left a staff gathering in a huff. On an apparently very exciting night, the staff was watching an episode of Chappelle's Show. Mid-sketch, he stood up, announced, "I've never been more offended in my life," and stormed out. Like, stormed out
.
3) He's Jewish. Very Jewish. And talks about being Jewish a lot.
If you've seen the episode, you probably know where this is going.]I really, really enjoyed my viewing of
Da Ali G Show. He was visiting publishers to pitch fake books, and then there was some sort of fashion police sketch where they praised Paris Hilton's classiness, and then there was some sort of political roundtable where the topic of actors-turned-politicians came up, and the Maryland Democrat mentioned he was supporting John Kerry, and Ali asked, "That guy from
Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, and it was all very confusing and very funny.
It was during this sketch that the R/DS arrived home (Pizza Hut buffalo wings and large meat-lovers pizza in hand). He snidely answered my question, "What have you been up to today?" and, after Ali asked when animals might get the vote, asked, "What
is this?"
I told him. Silence ensued as he inhaled his dinner. (All but two slices of the pizza!)
The final sketch was about a man from Kazakstan, a man who wants to learn to perform country music. And the final song takes place in a redneck bar in Arizona. And Borat and his performing partner come out to close the evening.
In halting, accented English, he performs:
"In my country, there is problem.
And that problem is transport.
It take very very long.
Because Kazakhstan is big.
Throw transport down the well,
so my country can be free.
We must make travel easy,
then we have big party."Odd, I think. But he looks funny, he's got an accented voice, and it's pretty funny. Then it gets uproariously funny.
"In my country there is problem.
And that problem is the Jew.
They take everybody's money,
they never give it back."I'm stunned, amazed, at this point. I feel a bit guilty, for the three reasons above.
"Throw the Jew down the well,
so my country can be free!
You must grab him by his horns,
then we have big party!
If you see the Jew coming,
you must be careful of his teeth.
You must grab him by his money,
and I tell you what to do...
Everybody!"At this point, I'm laughing out loud. Can't contain myself. I'm doing the tunnel-vision thing, staring straight ahead, not even acknowledging the R/DS' very Jewish presence.
[crowd joins, unbelievably, smiling and clapping along]
Throw the Jew down the well
so my country can be free!
You must grab him by his horns,
then we have a big party!"At this point, he says, [probably giving me the death stare, though I'm not looking his way, "I don't know what more offensive, the fact that he's performing this song, or the fact that you're laughing." I utter no response, for there's a final refrain to view:
"Throw the Jew down the well
so my country can be free!
You must grab him by his horns,
then we have a big party!"And I'm laughing the whole time. I can't help it - it was downright hilarious. Full video, in all it's glory,
here.
Segment ends. Show ends. I flip off the on-demand, turn on ESPN, and venture to the kitchen to tend to my dinner. The next comment, coming about five minutes later, is something regarding Ryan Howard and him reacting to something on
Sportscenter.
Amazing. Absolutely amazing. I hope this wasn't so long-winded as to detract from the amazingness. I doubt that even my writing could detract from the amazingness.
- - - - - - - - - -
Because it relates to what comes next, I'm throwing the WIDiRVoFOW in here.
WIDiRVoFOWThis Week's Reason: His lack of regard for the concerns, comfort, and general enjoyment of others is appalling.
Example:After the "Throw the Jews down the well" bit of awkardness/hilarity/utter hilarity, I tended to my food for a few minutes, then returned to the living room couch. I flipped channels a bit, watched a few minutes of TV. He was eating at the table. I returned to the kitchen, again to tend to my food.
"Are you done there?" "Where?" "The couch." "Ummm, sure, I guess." So he stands up, flips the air conditioning on to 62 degrees (62 degrees!), takes control of the remote, and stretches out.
Apparently, my twin desires of a) a comfortable room and b) the chance to watch Katie Couric, or something, were of no concern to him. I left the couch, so it was his turn to take control of the room. Oh well.
Again, he's just generally a self-important dick. Woof.
- - - - - - - - - -
Related to the R/DS:
I've been living rent-free, as many of you know. It's part of the trade-off for the job I took. I don't get paid much (though I get more than the other interns, though I was hired for what was initially offered as an internship) and, because of this, the R/DS offered the second bedroom in his apartment.
A few weeks ago, he talked about "next year," which is to say, the year that began with the end of our season. What were my plans, living-wise?, he wanted to know. I said that I'd probably plan to get my own place, assuming that I have a job here (not a guarantee, though I'll know more soon).
He offered me the opportunity to stay, at a very reasonable rate (less than half of what he pays, I think, because he's a complete pushover), if I'd like. I said that, truly, I probably want my own place.
And here's where it gets like, say, the end of Freshman year.
"So, d'you wanna live together again next year?" "Well, I was thinking of living with [friend from down the hall]?" "Oh, well, then who am I going to live with?" Things like that.
Well, a few times in recent weeks, a coworker, and one of my better friends here, has mentioned the possibility of me moving in. His girlfriend was in for the summer, but is gone now. He's got an extra room. He's a nice guy. His place is pretty clean, from what I've seen over there. He's got DirecTV, which means I can watch the Bears, or the Packers, I guess. He's a Badgers fan, so he'd be amenable to the purchase of the college basketball package. And rent, while more than what the R/DS is offering, would be less than what a one-bedroom would cost.
Biggest upside: Getting the hell of the R/DS' place.
Downside: Inevitable awkwardness, but he's used to it.
I think I'm going to try to get out, no joke, tomorrow. If the decision is made, and confirmed, I think I'll also go back to Evanston to get some additional furnishings, clothing, things, this weekend. As an added bonus, I'd also get the chance to see the Randy Walker-related ceremonies at the Cats game. It would definitely be worth it, I think.
- - - - - -
Related to the Cats:
Last week's 21-3 victory over Miami (OH) was far from perfect, and far from beautiful, but it was incredibly satisfying.
They used the 3-4 look more than I expected, and Eaton was a beast rushing off the end. I think that Corey Wootton was the best player on the field for the Cats on either side of the ball, though DT John Gill also has a claim. Reggie McPherson was all over the field, and walk-on Chaz Richart did well as a fifth DB. A great defensive performance.
Offensively, it would have been nice to see Sutton get a strong start on his way to 1,600 yards, but Kafka's running more than made up for it. Clearly, this club will use the quarterback as a running threat more than any Cats team since Kustok left. I always thought Baz was a better running quarterback than he was given the chance to show, but Kafka's a dynamic runner. The game plan was maddeningly conservative, as Kafka completed seven passes for, I think, 28 first-half yards, but I'd imagine that will change in coming weeks. O-line play wasn't as good as hoped. Terrell Jordan was better than imagined. I'm happy to have him back.
On special teams, everything was good except for Howells kickoff out of bounds. The punting was adequate and prevented any long returns, and the punt block unit provided the game's biggest play. Sherrick McManis showed some spunk on his returns, though he'll miss the next two games because of an appendectomy.
My favorite part, a quote from Fitzgerald: "That first half, that wasn't Northwestern football," or something to that regard. His intent:
We're a good team. A darn good team. Expectations for Northwestern football
are high, and deservedly so. We settle for nothing but the best. A great sentiment, and one he'll continue to emphasize, it seems.
All in all, something very good to build on. You can't get to 12-0 without first getting to 1-0, after all. Color me tickled purple after that start.
- - - - - - - - - -
I can't emphasize how great my brother's wedding was. I got to see family that I hadn't seen in 2 1/2 years, and I got to see a few of my brother's friends that I hadn't seen in 4 or 6 or 8 years, and that was great, and I got to join in the celebration of something beautiful.
The Boy, my sister (she really needs a RHH nickname), and I did a hardcore-thrash-metal tribute during the rehearsal dinner, and my dad's side of the family brought the house down with a rendition of "Soy Burger in Paradise," and my mom broke down while reflecting on her 30th anniversary and the excitement of having Jeni in the family, and my dad presented my brother with an official Cheesehead, celebrating his ten years as a native of Wiskaaaansin [spelled that way to emphasise the nasal-ness of it all], and my mom's brother broke down when talking about Thanksgivings and Christmases past, and a guy named Tony played an accordion, and my dad uttered the sentence, "So when we offered you 'vegan' or 'meat' on the menu, we were really referring to the dessert. The vegans will get vegan cake, and the meat people will get" - "Beef," several interject, because it's funny - "something with dairy." And that was just the rehearsal dinner.
Also, they played a slideshow with pictures of Dave and Jeni through the various stages of life and my DJ selections - "Such Great Heights," by the Postal Service, "Funny Little Frog," by Belle and Sebastian, and "Just Like Heaven," by The Cure, were met with great approval by the happy couple. "Just Like Heaven" got plenty of play Saturday night, and "Such Great Heights" was part of the dinner music, and several other Belle and Sebastian songs were among those played on Saturday. I was pretty satisfied.
On Saturday, we got to the park where the wedding was held about 35 minutes before the ceremony was scheduled to begin, and I hear my rapidly-losing-it brother utter, "I don't think the recessional [maybe?] will be
loud enough." [It was loud enough. The recessional was Motley Crue, or Poison, I think, being played from the wedding party building, about 50 yards from where the ceremony was.]
My brother also grabbed the wireless mic, as we were starting about 10 minutes late, and said, "Actually, we'll start an hour or so late. Probably around four. So we're going to open up the bar, and you can have a good time, and we'll get going when everything's here." [The programs were late-arriving, not a big deal.]
The point is, later in the afternoon, I began my ushering duties while holding a beer, though I put it down after bringing a few people to their seats.
Also of note:
The bridesmaids wore black dresses with small white polka dots and neon green sashes. The men wore black tuxes with black-with-white-polka dots hankerchiefs, and neon green ties. They all looked badass, in a good way.
Referring to their actual, legal wedding, held before a judge a week or so before, Dave and Jeni's friend Jim, who was the officiant, said, "With the power vested in me by no legitimate authority, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may salute each other." It was funny.
I started crying when my brother, reading his vows, said, "I've been thinking about these for seven years..."
I cried harder when Jeni overcame her quietness and began hers... it was great.
The menu on Saturday was all-vegan, and most of it was very good. I think the people handled it well.
The appetizers came out at the time set forth before the wedding, and not at a time adjusted for the late start to the ceremony. As Dave and Jeni were getting ready to take some pictures on a swing near the ceremony area, they were informed of this. "What do you want to do?" someone asked Dave. "
I just want things to go ri-i-ight," he said. It was awesome.
He had a bit of Groomzilla in him - he didn't need to worry though, as it was a blast.
Dave and Jeni had matching ladybug tattoos on the back of their arms. Ladybugs were prominently featured on the centerpieces, and on the [late-arriving] programs, and elsewhere during the weekend. In tribute, then, my mom provided temporary Ladybug tattoos to everyone at the wedding. I ushered while wearing a Ladybug on my right hand, looking pretty awesome, I'd say.
They did it perfectly, exactly how they should have done it, with the right blend of fun and silliness and seriousness and general love. I was honored to be a part of it.
Between my flight out (left the house at 6 a.m. Friday, after staying up until 3:30 to watch the Cats on tape), and my return trip (a 3:50 wakeup call for a 6 a.m. flight), I got a total of less than 12 hours of sleep over Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights. I was a zombie at work on Sunday, but it was definitely worth it.
- - - - - - - -
The jokes that one comes up with on two hours of sleep...
To my dad, as he picked me up at the airport on Friday morning:
"Both times when I woke up as we landed, the flight attendant announced, 'Thank you for flying Northwest.' But I didn't. I went Southeast, then Southwest. I have no idea what she was talking about."
(Explanation: I was on Northwest Airlines, of course.)
- - - - - - - -
The end of the season is an odd time. I'm saying "See you next year" to the gameday staff that I know and like, but I can't be sure that I'll even be here next month. And I'll probably have forgotten them by then, which is so odd, because I'll remember them and be excited to see them again by the time next season rolls around, assuming I'm here.
But, I learned last winter, if I'm not, there won't be a proper goodbye. I'll just disappear from their thoughts, and they from mine, and life goes on. It's odd.
Today, I'm overjoyed that we're done with the year. It was a long three-plus months. In two weeks, I'll be bored as hell at work and wishing there was a game. But I'll never miss 13-hour Saturday workdays, I can tell you that.
Done.
